The Real Reason I Started My Meditation Journey

Preface: The Torch I Chose to Carry

‍

I began this meditation journey not out of peace, but out of suffering. My own mind became my greatest enemy, making me carry pain I could no longer accept as fate. As a child, I loved fiercely but without foundation—without the pillar I was meant to be. That absence twisted love into attachment. I clung to people because I feared letting go, and when they slipped away, I only held tighter.

‍

I wanted to know why. I wanted to confront the machinery of my thoughts, to strip it bare, and to eradicate the illusion of suffering once and for all. So I went into silence as an exile, not only from family and love, but from myself. Distance hardened me, sharpened me, until I saw that the people I pushed away were only mirroring the distortion of my own field.

‍

Yet in that distance, I discovered vision. I discovered the ember of something worth carrying back. I discovered that love without strength collapses into chains—but love rooted in presence becomes freedom.

‍

This journal is that ember. It is my torch. I document my steps not only to reclaim my own life, but to leave a trail for anyone walking through their own storms, anyone who has begged their mind for freedom and been met with silence.

‍

I do not return with apologies. I return as a pillar. With strength enough to stand, and with words forged in fire—meant not for chatter, but for guidance. This is my offering: to show that a man can wander deep into the dark, confront the suffering that ruled him, and come back solid, carrying wisdom that makes every word worth being uttered.