Day 3 Entry

I felt like today was really challenging. It had only been 1 hour that I was starting to feel the same aching feeling in my legs. My body knew that we weren't going to move until the last 15 minutes of the meditation.

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I'm starting to think that the sensation of agony can be tuned. I know I will soon be able to sit in and not be overtaken by that sensation. For today, I endured it. I know that the mind is a liar and right now, it is throwing a smokescreen to distract me from feeling. It says move, the pain will disappear. But the mind made me think I had to get rid of it in the first place...

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This is what creating space from the thoughts and sensations that come through you feels like. And why this work is so important. At first, you associate with the sensations, the thoughts and you forgot you weren't them. That means, when the sensations in your body were chaotic, you became the storm and moved that energy as if it were you. But you were the one supposed to let it come and go. You are NOT that...

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It doesn't mean that you never feel rage or joy or any emotions for that matter... It just means that once you have created enough space for them swim across your harbor without getting swallowed by them, that you stop wasting energy. Energy that your body could use for your day. So there is value in that.

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It made me see that if human life is reactive in its nature, it means people don't feel very much. It means people forget about their instincts and just move frantically with their impulses that they don't even know where they come from.

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At one point, I felt like I was spinning from being consumed by the sharp feeling of pain. I still didn't move until 1hour and 45minutes, because I knew it was a trick of my mind. And soon enough, it will yield to its original rightful master. We know we are not the sensation itself.