Day 15 Entry

This afternoon I sat bare on the floor, no cushion. At first there was someone on the phone nearby. I tried ignoring it, then chose a guided track as a shield. When it ended, I stayed in silence, scanning my body.

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I noticed how quickly my system drifts into shutdown — that half-asleep heaviness when nerves feel overwhelmed. It’s not me avoiding; it’s the old reflex of a body that once learned silence wasn’t safe. My nervous system still braces and hides. But today I stayed. I noticed. That alone is progress.

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Earlier this morning I also sat, about 25 minutes. It felt rushed — my mind was already on the tasks I had to do. Still, I showed up. And from now on, I’m setting my schedule for long sits, not quick passes. The body and the mind both deserve that depth.

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Training, eating, and sitting are re-attunements. Each says to my system: you’re safe, you can use your energy fully. Over time, this rhythm of deliberate training plus deep stillness will be what grows me.

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Guided tracks aren’t crutches; they’re tactical tools when noise intrudes. The intent behind them matters more than the format. And in truth, silence is where the potency lives — the raw space where the body stops lying and shows what it really feels.

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The shift is real: from hating myself and thinking something was wrong, to loving myself with all the baggage. In that love, the world begins to readjust. I don’t need violent music or masks. I train and sit in silence, letting authentic energy fuel me.

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Each sit plants a flag. Old forms vanish. A freer form emerges.