Day 13 Entry

What I noticed

• I chose to meditate in the morning, this time after showering and sitting on the floor with a cushion. It felt focused and even relaxing.
• Without earbuds, sounds around me jolted me — like being lost in thought and suddenly yanked out.
• I felt a “head” as if separate from the body, and saw myself carrying my bones like armor. The body seemed rigid, defending its identity.
• The sit had a buzz to it — maybe hunger, maybe just a healthy body alive. It felt like a natural high.
• The armor was clear. That gave me the urge to stay home and cocoon, but I saw that was just escape. The gym is where I prove softness and strength in public.
• Training without music feels uncomfortable because the armor and fear become loud in silence, but I know that’s the way forward.
• Even in everyday life, like grabbing yogurts at the store, I noticed my body already in a defensive state before anyone even said anything. It’s following me everywhere.
• I see now how society runs on nervous interactions — people living as if on probation, clenching for permission to exist. I’m done with that. My truth is primal: train, grow, feel free, meet women who are aligned with nature, live surrendered and beastly at once.

Reflections

• Showering + floor seat gave a sharper, more embodied state. The buzz wasn’t drugs — it was body + awareness + hunger.
• Earbuds had been a shield. Removing them exposes the nervous system raw to sound, so the jolts are simply adaptation.
• “Bones as armor” is a perfect metaphor: survival tension masquerading as identity. Seeing it clearly in one sit is already release in motion.
• The cocoon reflex is the nervous system collapsing when armor eases. The practice is integration: carry that softness into the gym, into the field, into public space.
• Choosing silence in training makes the body, not the playlist, the center of attention. That builds a field that’s undeniable, not performative.
• This is the shift: from defending existence to playing life as a field. Training, meditation, sex, work — all part of the same game I’m here to enjoy.

Takeaway
I’m not here to survive on probation. I’m here to thrive in my body’s intelligence — unclenched, bigger, fresh, sexually alive. Each sit shows me where the knots still live, and each day in silence teaches my body it’s safe without armor. This is my game now.