Day 10 Entry

Today, it felt like death. Almost right from the start, I heard voices in my head say, “give up.” Most likely I was in a tough headspace from my personal life also needing major changes & I felt like it was insurmountable challenges on top of insurmountable challenges. That’s why I heard these suggestions.

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Then later during the sit, the pain started making its presence known. It felt so real that many instances I would visualize myself moving my leg & changing position to soothe the pain, but I know that’s another trick concocted by the mind to try and unroot me from my throne.

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At one point, I felt my hands shaking. I felt unable to breathe deep & I was feeling like I might die of suffocation. I wanted to cry. But did I give up? Fuck no. I have too much at stake to throw in the towel.

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The mind was so convincing in its fear tactics. I saw how I’m still remembering that my mind is a tool, not the driving force of my decisions.

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The mind wants to protect you from harm.

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So of course it will have you believe you are in danger by sending you signals. You see this process during meditation, and if you stay long enough, the mind will slowly stop having the grip on the wheels of your life.

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Keep going!